shit. so i'm not in Nice. my life is still pretty good. i have a great job, a fantastic apartment right on the water, i have a good dog, listening to music, sipping a beer, writing on the computer outside on my patio in beautiful weather. actually, this is the life i dreamed for myself a long time ago. so that's cool. trying to look on the positive side, and it's not hard. but i am not, after all, in Nice.
ty's been gone to Nice for less than 36 hours. i'm doing stuff that i wouldn't do if he were here to try and make the most of the 18 nights we'll spend away from each other. like i put The Hills on my netflix--the first 3 seasons. i ate a meatless dinner last night, and moved my blow dryer back into the master bathroom. two (or three) beers with dinner, and incredibly less calories probably. i went to bed at 8:30 last night and got up at 5 am this morning. tomorrow i'm going to a potluck with coworkers. that should be fun. i can eat the entire bag of potato chips without feeling any twinge of guilt. listen to music louder too, with more Lady Gaga, John Mayer and Jakob Dylan in the mix. ha! nonetheless, i am not in Nice.
i already know how much i take ty for granted. making sure that the dog gets walked before i leave in the morning for work is a twenty minute bitch. the only person who decides what and which quality of food i eat is me, so i have to cook (gasp!). i hate cooking. the dishes pile up pretty quick when there's no one else to blame, too. the time i waste at work on instant messenger with him has to be accounted for now. there is also an absolute-zero-style lack for someone on this continent who cares if i had a bowel movement today. no warm body in bed snoring, no gentle giant gettin my back when the shit doesn't go down as planned.
so on the balance, i might not be in Nice, but i am in san diego and that's a nice place too. oh and by the way i'm going to be in Nice in 15 days. but what it took me less than 36 hours to establish was that i'd rather be wherever it is that Ty is. and not because he makes my life logisitically easier by leaps and bounds. he does that and i love the shit out of him for it. it's just that i didn't know how much i don't like being without him. i think we spent about 8 days apart 6 years ago. hopefully the old saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder is still true, because up to now i wouldn't know. i can't imagine being fonder of anybody ever anywhere.
