I've Got to Eat So I Can Take My Back Pill

I went to the doctor today and learned that I have arthritis in the S1-L4 region. Arthritis? WTF? I saw it with my own eyes though. It was cool that the first thing I did at the office was take x-rays and that the x-rays were up on Dr. L's computer 5 minutes later. So a couple of my discs were "shorter" in the region I feel pain than my other vertebrae. The good news is there is nothing that can be done. The bad news is that nothing can be done...until it gets worse which it probably will over the years. As the vertebrae erode, a disc will slip or get pinched off, and then I will not only have more severe pain, I will have numbness and tingling and decreased range of motion in my lower extremities. Awsome. Shit shit shit shit.

At least I don't have to restrict my activity, and so I can go visit Erin in DC tomorrow and not worry about if walking the mall or whatever will make my injury worse. It won't, it will get worse all by itself. Pictures and posts of my trip to come.

So I was just watching the presidential news conference and this journalist was hounding President Obama about why it took him two days to publicly react to the AIG bonuses, and President Obama came back with this one: "It took me two days because I like to know what I'm talking about before I speak." BOOYAH. That was awesome.

Back in the Game

I am worried about my back. Scratch that, I'm worried about my life with a bad back. How many people have I taken care of with the all-consuming, ambiguous "lower back pain" complaint? Most of them with a fondness for their pain medication. I've seen that lifestyle: checked out, preoccupied, excuse-laden. I am at a crossroads: admit that I have lower back pain and seek treatment, or go on ignoring the little tweaks until they lead to full-on outages. This sucks.

I have the doctor appointment made for next Tuesday. What happens if he finds something? What happens if he doesn't? Will I create a situation in which I will be unable to work? A situation in which I have to get clearance to be a bedside nurse? That really sucks.

But the fact is that in nursing there are a lot of little lifts. It's difficult to maneuver human beings when they are immobile. It's not just the 400+ pounders; it's also the 130 lb old people who don't have good balance that must be turned and gotten out of bed to the chair in order to prevent bed sores. For me, I try to do as much as I can by myself. And lately...there have been times when I peeked out of a patients' room looking for an extra hand and there is nobody to lend that hand. What's worse is that the Powers That Be think that our patients need to be taken care with less help rather than more. That doesn't just suck, that blows.

So those are my fears. Fear is not a good place to be from. I ask the universe for healing, and to allow me a way through this injury. I can't go around it or over it, I must go through it to get to the other side. It will be okay because I know which alternatives I can live with, the ones I can't, and what needs to happen. Universe, hear this: allow me to heal. Fast.

Pharmie Town

The back is not much better today. I thought it was when I got up, so I did my ADLs (nursing lingo for Activities of Daily Living) and now it's hurting just like yesterday. Arg. I am thankful for good family though, my mom made a couple of trips on my behalf yesterday and gave me some pain killers, a brace, and shocky device that I immediately broke trying to charge with my computer battery cord. Oops. The brace is helpful. My brother-in-law Chris brought me his extra fexiril. I'm not sure if any of the drugs are that great though, and I'm leery of using them any way. I feel foggy-slash-fuzzy and a little sleepy.

Tracy and Chris also brought some sad news with them last night. Our mutual friends, the Cliffords, had to put down their 10-year-old St. Bernard, Mumser. Mumser had an osteosarcoma on his front leg. Mumser was a great, cool, big dog who was the Alpha wherever he went. Now he is a spirit in the sky and I'm sure he'll look out for Baby Clifford on the way. His passing is a reminder that when we are young and optimistic about getting a cute little puppy, many of us also assumed the responsibility to throw in the towel for our best furry friends when the time comes. It is an awesome responsibility, it looms in the future for all responsible dog owners. So this is a shout out to Damon and Kristin: thanks for being such good friends to all of your friends, 2- and 4-legged. May you receive double blessings for the extension of your kindness to your buddy, Mumser.

Back in the Blog

I forgot about my blog dudes. And it seems less scary than a few years ago. Today I am laying on my back with my feet up on pain killers. Awesome. What a waste of a day. But my back went out yesterday the worst it has ever gone out. Yuck.

I hate taking pain killers. Vicodin to be specific. My mind is fog. What better time to get back on the blog. And also, tonight I am signing a bunch of financial documents. Also a good time to be foggy!

I hope I can work tomorrow. And I am formally asking The Universe for no fat people. Please, my back can't take it.