YAY 2009, BRING ON 2010

I know everybody is ready to get rid of 2009 and start over for a better 2010, but I have to say that fantastic things happened to me in 2009 and so I will take it as an omen for even better times to come.

The lessons that I take away from 2009 are many. It pays to make your own way, to believe in yourself, and to be grateful for the incredible relationships in our lives and to nurture those relationships actively. The challenges of making little decisions guide the way to big results have paid dividends for Ty and I this year. I am so grateful that he is my partner in this world.

I look forward to checking more accomplishments off my list in 2010 such as traveling in Europe. 2009 has helped me to know my own strengths. Nobody knows what challenges will present in 2010, but I feel confident to face them all.

Hip hip hooray! Life is good.

I haven't posted anything in a while. Partly because I didn't have much positive to say and partly because I've been settling into the groove (which in itself is probably a positive). The groove has been night shift: up nights, sleeping days. I've enjoyed it, even though it can feel a little isolating.

I switched back to day shift this week for some football on Sunday and a job interview on Monday. Sunday was really fun, I watched my first Broncos game this season while Allison watched the Bears game at a bar in La Jolla. I can actually count on one hand the times that I've gone to a bar for a purpose other than meeting up with other people. It was actually really fun and the Broncos won against the Raiders.

Sunday facilitated my transition to days so I was actually wakeful during my interview on Monday. I was interviewed by the lady who initially hired me at Scripps, who has since taken on a new position in a new department. She offered me a job that I'm really pumped about. It is everything that I was looking for when I came out here, and it manifested itself in a way that I couldn't have imagined. I feel a little weirded out and tingly about it; the universe and I are simpatico at the moment, and life is working as it should. Savoring this feeling and this moment.

This weekend kicks off five weeks of visitors coming to see us. Tracy and Chris are coming tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to seeing them. It's Tracy's birthday tomorrow and we have something planned that I hope turns out to be really great. All the cards in place for an excellent time. Next weekend my mom and grandma are coming to visit us. They are doing a California road trip starting in San Jose and ending here with us. I'm really surprised and glad that my grandma is making the trip, I look forward to seeing her (and it goes without saying my mom too!). The following weekend the Maysers are visiting, which should be just great. We've got a Bronco game planned here while they are the visitors to the Chargers. That will be a new experience going to a visiting stadium, though a guy on my soccer team pointed out that many people follow their teams to San Diego because of the beautiful weather year round. The next weekend I will work, unfortunately a requirement! But then, Jen C and hopefully Rick come to visit to end our Visitation Month. Jen has a veterinary conference here. We are going to take a road trip up to LA and see Panic with the Allman Bros. THAT should be fun.

I hope my new job doesn't get in the way of all this fun I have planned. I'm sure it will all get figured out. Speaking of the weather, I am reading on Facebook that it is starting to turn cool in Colorado and I think I'm about to really appreciate that I live here in San D. It is a little bit cooler, staying a steady, sunny 70 degrees. At night it's cool and pleasant with all the doors and windows open.

I'm a little drunk and over-tired right now so my thoughts are cloudy. I can tell that my writing is sucky. But I just want to express that I've stayed positive through some uncertainty in the last 6 months or so (is life ever certain?) and I've had amazing results. When I've felt adrift, Tolle's concept that I am fulfilling my destiny simply by bringing consciousness forward into the world anchors me. I feel in tune with the vibration here. I've created a space for my own life here. My intuition is spot on. And there is abundance in this universe, all for the taking but not for the forcing. I constantly prepare myself for the blessings continually bestowed on me so that I may receive them consciously. And while I am truly grateful, I also know that I deserve no less. No matter what tomorrow brings, this moment is, and that is peace.

Indoctrination

1. I haven't worked all week. (Did lots of job stuff though, but nothing that actually netted dollars.)
2. Rode my bike with a basket and had a $20 mani-pedi by Asian women with whom I could not communicate effectively.
3. Then, had a $5 PB&J from the Breadworks-like cafe that only accepted cash and looked busy and important on my blackberry while dining alone on an outdoor patio.
4. Next, went to the liquor store and bought some California white wine from the Arab who runs the "deli" that only sells beer, wine, cigarettes and lottery tickets.
5. Finally, drinking during the day and blogging.

I love my life.

Like Riding a Bike

The Marine Layer

The revolutions that manifest days, weeks, months and years

Birthdays, anniversaries, and obligation

Turn within the marine layer

An early morning without purpose

Beneath a gray blanket

Cool, dull, breezy restlessness

Above, burning off the chatter,

Seeking clarity and reflection in waves

The sun illuminates

the thoughts that run on tape

Space exists for meaning,

For directed energy

For observation of the rhythm of the ocean

The melodic chirping of waking birds

The senses that confirm aliveness

Signs that complacency is a choice

And that isolation is complicity

Perspective below the gray vacuum

cannot determine one second or millimeter of this opportunity

Rising above is a matter of gravity.

Assimilation

Confessions of a Colorado girl in California:

• I have done my grocery shopping almost exclusively at Trader Joe's.
• I have not eaten any sugar since moving here, save one piece of birthday cake that was a surprise gift to me, and the two bites of pistachio ice cream dessert brought to us at the sushi place for my birthday. I'm starving my sweet tooth so it shrivels up and dies and falls out.
• I've been jogging a couple times a week. There is a steep, 6-block hill that Ty & I have dubbed "McCall Hill" behind our condo that we run up and down, then east along our beach to the yacht club and back.
• I now recycle and share a car.
• My maritime ignorance is embarrassing. The boating culture 100-yds away from my balcony is enticing...! Need to learn more about stuff like what is the difference between a harbor and a bay?
• I have not eaten any meat or poultry since moving here. I eat fish at least once a day and have been sampling veggie burgers, fake beef skewers, and the like. I don't really miss the poultry at all, but I can see myself making an exception for lamb, buffalo, and sausage every once in a while.

A Couple of Scenes From Our Beach Today

With my birthday cash, I outfitted our beach experiences. We got two backpack-chairs that also have room for a cooler on the back. My sister also sent me an umbrella, so we're pretty much set! It is against city ordinances to drink alcohol or smoke on the beaches, so the fun is limited to wholesome activities. The perk to that however is the DBs stay away and the beaches are clean. Also, a colored nalgene is good camo for white wine or beer if willing to go against the grain. The island on the other side of the bay however is the harbor police den (not that we've ever seen one) and Ty's cousin Mike works over there.

It's Effing Hilly Here

I was very proud of my skills in making it to the top of this hell, I mean hill, that Ty made me bike up. It sucked, but the view was fantastic. I am awesome.

Decisions Decisions

On the employment front I made a decision to not accept the job that's been offered to me. After a lot of soul searching and disappointment that I haven't been offered other jobs, at one point I was seriously considering this opportunity. However, I have heard from somebody that works there, and a recruiter that sent nurses to this floor that there were some serious issues with the helpfulness of other staff. And the sense that the manager gave me was that she was looking for some experienced nurses to help out all the new grads that work there and there were a lot of "leadership opportunities." I think that's just code for there's a lot of shitty people that work here and you could move right up if you don't suck too. But I decided to check it out for myself and shadowed a nurse for a couple hours on my own time to see if it was really that bad and I found that it wasn't really THAT bad. What I did find was that I would be working on a Neuro/Trauma unit.....and those patients suck! What was I thinking? It's all patients with head injuries, broken bones, and strokes=heavy lifting and crazy people that there is no way to reason with or medicate. So tonight I'm going to tell that floor, thanks so much for the opportunity, but no thanks. It's a bit of a risk, but I would definitely be settling. I think in my situation, I should be able to find something that I'm excited to do or else it's going to make this experience in San Diego a lot less fun.

I am going to go back to work this week, though. I am hooked up with an agency that staffs registry nurses. Basically, hospitals find they have holes in their staffing and call up the agency to send nurses over. I've been working with this lady at the agency for a few months, she was initially looking at getting me a travel nursing assignment. She, out of ALL the people I've been dealing with, has been the straightest shooter with me, telling me when there wasn't much work to be had in the travel nursing industry, and at one point basically telling me to get my shit together or else move on. I appreciate that candidness, I can be that frank with people at times and I appreciate the respect it takes for one's self and to others to speak the truth in an awkward situation. At any rate, when I told her that I was considering taking the job that I have now decided not to take, she said that would hinder us working together because I would already be working in the hospital system where she puts most of her nurses to work and the hospital system won't let nurses double dip (so to speak). So that was another factor in deciding to pass up this opportunity. What she can do for me now that I've decided not to take that job, is she can put me to work for much higher rates of pay on my own schedule. Of course the work is never guaranteed, but I make about 20% more per shift with a portion of it being tax free due to my traveler status related to our home in Colorado. Additionally, there is no weekend or nights commitment, no holiday commitment, and when I need time off, I just don't sign up for shifts. Very simple. And, it looks like I can start working on Thursday of this week, which puts money in my pocket sooner!

My plan is to continue to pursue opportunities in other hospital systems. I can work on an "as needed" basis for a specific hospital, and then I at least have two opportunities for work when I want it and still keep the flexibility. I can also continue to have a high standard for where I choose to work. I think it's important as the only income earner while in San Diego that I do what it takes to make myself happy. If I hate my job but need it to keep us afloat here, that leads to bad things. My hunch is that the job I've been offered is a short route to that scenario, so I need to pass. I hope this all works out, I'm trusting the universe to be abundant and provide the right opportunities to allow for wealth and happiness knowing that I deserve no less.

Hike at Cabrillo Monument

We did this cool little trail at the Cabrillo Monument. We did it on a Sunday and it's a national park, so it was not our best timing, but still cool. Short and slightly steep. Apparently Sr. Cabrillo landed on this point which is just to the west of our condo and the furthest point west in San Diego. It's cool because it's like the where the cliffs drop off into the ocean. We saw lots of sailboats, and then some surfers who accessed the surf with little motor boats and road some pretty big pipes. The coastguard also occupies this area, and part of the monument is where big batteries were built into the side of the point in case of attack during WWII.

Please notice that it was the first time I boldly sported the Broncos paraphernalia in the San Diego public. Thank goodness I went the Chump Bailey route with the t-shirt rather than the Cutler jersey.

Adventures With Gwyneth

Tyler named our navigation thingy Gwyneth, which fits nicely. She tells us where to go so that we don't get lost, but sometimes she is impaired. Ty thinks it's pills, I think she's clearly an alcoholic. At any rate, we generally get where we are aiming to go one way or another, and Gwynie is a great help (thanks, Dad). Today, however, we decided to go check out Balboa Park, which is the huge park in the middle of San Diego. The only bigger city park in the United States is Central Park in Manhattan. It's a stunning place as it turns out...but we'll get to that in a minute. I typed in the Visitors' Center to get us there from home, and Gwyneth drove us straight into gay Pridefest as a sort of "I'll show you who's in charge here." A funny experience for the most part, although parking was a pain in the butt.

It was a beautiful place. There are several museums and gardens and amphitheaters throughout, as well as numerous trails for hiking and running. I definitely want to go back soon and check out the body worlds exhibit which I missed in Denver. We couldn't go in anywhere cool though because I made the large mistake of thinking my dog would enjoy going to a park. However, it caused the first full-blown freakout in San Diego. Mae was shaking and panting at about 100 times a minute, causing all the people around us to think that she was hypoglycemic, or just ran a marathon without access to water for 5 days prior. Little psycho dog---scared of skateboards and many other things unseen. No more Balboa Park for Maenerd.

A New Kind of Happy

My birthday on Friday was really, really good. Thanks to all who helped make it that way. I think I got a job offer, but I dodged the call because it's my third choice for a job. But that was a good start to a birthday. It started out on the beach, this time witha full layering of sunscreen. I've learned my lesson. Allison came over, and together with Ty we crossed the street. (I love that.) Although it was Friday afternoon and sailing club was out in the bay, Mae and Althea swam by themselves in this little cove. Sailing Club is a bunch of young kids who are learning how to maneuver little mini-sailboats that are slightly bigger than windsurf boards. I want to sign up, but I think I missed the deadline by about 21 years. When the tide came in we knew it was time to move on, and so we had our first sushi experience. We went over to PB Sushi (Pacific Beach) which was highly rated and nicely priced. I think I have a revellation about the difference in sushi joints, too. In CO all the sushi places are totally shi-shi and even more expensive, where as out here they look slightly more upscale than fast food, slightly less scale than a casual dining restaurant---but just as good! Allison and I split a bottle of sake which was Allison's first experience with it. Then, we went over to Jeff Bolan's house for a party. I've met Jeff on two occassions (I think) and Ty went to Lake Powell with him several years ago. So I didn't know what to expect, but the people I met couldn't have been nicer. Jeff's girlfriend Shauna baked me a cake! Talk about the kindness of strangers. There were some very interesting characters there, Matthias from Germany who was 6'8" and a toe-headed surfer; and then The Hot Kicks, a brother and sister rock band from Melbourne, Australia who are out here on tour. Fantastic conversation, and again, everyone was so welcoming and very nice. I'm just so thankful.

The other real cool part of my birthday involved Facebook, oddly enough. I heard from a lot of folks who I haven't seen in many years, and that's probably the last time I talked to them too. It's such a great technology that has helped me feel connected when I'm out in a new city away from great Denver friends and a gaggle of the best family one could aks for. I feel very fortunate indeed.

The only complaint I can muster is the hangover I had yesterday was crippling. Must be because I'm now 31. Whatever, pain is weakness leaving the body, right? Another year older, and life just got a lot more interesting, that's for sure.

And a sunset

La Jolla Holla

Riding Bikes in PB

Ty and I met with Kristin Cowart, an old soccer buddy from high school who's been out here for several years now. We rode bikes along the beaches. Great times. Thanks, Kristin! Pics are taken from Pacific Beach.

Coronado Dog Beach

Much better! Mae had her first experience with waves crashing and how to navigate them. Still a couple of pitbulls around, but we learned today that pitbulls are the official dog of San Diego. Just kidding. I really don't get it, but anyway, much less of a shit show in Coronado. The water was on the chilly side, but in a twist it bothered Ty more than me! We got to see and listen to fighter jets land at the naval base just behind the dog beach. That was pretty spectacular too. I think it would be a bit too much to live near that though. It is very loud, and looks dangerous when they're coming in HOT.

The bridge to Coronado is really something to experience. Not much of a guard rail and it goes high in the air. I made Ty slow down and drive the speed limit. There are also signs on each side of the bridge about a suicide counceling 1-800 number. Can you imagine?!

In one of the photos, the famous Hotel Coronado is visible. It looks really beautiful, maybe somewhere to stay for an anniversary or some occassion.

Week 1 in Paradise

The first week in San Diego has been terrific, as we are both unemployed and live in a sweet condo a block from the beach. You can't beat the weather, always sunny and not hot. Ty is joking around again (after a long bout of seriousness) and when we see two clouds in the sky his new joke is "Oh, it's a cloudy day again." Ha ha. The weatherman is talking about the heat as he predicts 79 degrees the next three days.

I have been on 4 job interviews, and they all look promising. I have one more tonight at 10 pm! The job I want is an ICU training program, where you're treated like a new grad nurse again but learning to work in all the kinds of ICUs: medical, trauma, surgical, cardiac and neuro. They are super serious about training their nurses well which unfortunately is not my experience back in CO. The training ends at two years, culminating in a course for CCRN certification. It's a competitive program though, they have several candidates for 12 spots. I'm crossing my fingers.

I think I did well, I know I would be an asset to what they've got going on there.

Yesterday we met my friend Allison at Dog Beach. This is a place where everyone can have their dogs off the leash on a coast that has crashing waves. It's very pretty, and well maintained. However, people bring their massive pitbulls and it is scary. This big gray one came over to sniff Mae and Allison's dog Althea, and ended up biting Mae. Allison started yelling at the pitbull and threw a body block at the pitbull to separate the dogs. She is very brave! and a little crazy!! The owner picked the dog up, put him on a leash and carried the dog away without saying a word. It kind of left a bad taste in our mouths for Dog Beach, so I think we'll stay at the one a block away or maybe try the sheeshee dog beach on Coronado.

The condo is coming along well, we're down to about the last 10 boxes and at the point where we need to start hanging stuff on the walls and buy a little furniture. We are going to go to IKEA tomorrow and take a look. We really love our place. It is large, spacious, and well-outfitted. Our patio overlooks the bay and we watch the sail boats come in and out about sunset. It is really spectacular and a huge change of pace from Colorado--exactly what we hoped for. We have found one thing that we don't like, and that is the taste of the water. Oh well, we'll live!

I'm not lonely yet, we've got a lot of plans to see friends. Allison has invited herself over for my birthday, a day long at the beach. There is a free concert in Point Loma park, and a Padres game vs. the Rockies on Saturday that are possibilities as well. I've reconnected with a friend from high school soccer, Kristin Cowart, and we are going to ride bikes tomorrow and Ty and I will go to her sister's birthday party on Saturday. Also hopefully meeting Jeff Bolan on Wednesday. So lots to do, people to do it with, can't ask for much more!

I've Got to Eat So I Can Take My Back Pill

I went to the doctor today and learned that I have arthritis in the S1-L4 region. Arthritis? WTF? I saw it with my own eyes though. It was cool that the first thing I did at the office was take x-rays and that the x-rays were up on Dr. L's computer 5 minutes later. So a couple of my discs were "shorter" in the region I feel pain than my other vertebrae. The good news is there is nothing that can be done. The bad news is that nothing can be done...until it gets worse which it probably will over the years. As the vertebrae erode, a disc will slip or get pinched off, and then I will not only have more severe pain, I will have numbness and tingling and decreased range of motion in my lower extremities. Awsome. Shit shit shit shit.

At least I don't have to restrict my activity, and so I can go visit Erin in DC tomorrow and not worry about if walking the mall or whatever will make my injury worse. It won't, it will get worse all by itself. Pictures and posts of my trip to come.

So I was just watching the presidential news conference and this journalist was hounding President Obama about why it took him two days to publicly react to the AIG bonuses, and President Obama came back with this one: "It took me two days because I like to know what I'm talking about before I speak." BOOYAH. That was awesome.

Back in the Game

I am worried about my back. Scratch that, I'm worried about my life with a bad back. How many people have I taken care of with the all-consuming, ambiguous "lower back pain" complaint? Most of them with a fondness for their pain medication. I've seen that lifestyle: checked out, preoccupied, excuse-laden. I am at a crossroads: admit that I have lower back pain and seek treatment, or go on ignoring the little tweaks until they lead to full-on outages. This sucks.

I have the doctor appointment made for next Tuesday. What happens if he finds something? What happens if he doesn't? Will I create a situation in which I will be unable to work? A situation in which I have to get clearance to be a bedside nurse? That really sucks.

But the fact is that in nursing there are a lot of little lifts. It's difficult to maneuver human beings when they are immobile. It's not just the 400+ pounders; it's also the 130 lb old people who don't have good balance that must be turned and gotten out of bed to the chair in order to prevent bed sores. For me, I try to do as much as I can by myself. And lately...there have been times when I peeked out of a patients' room looking for an extra hand and there is nobody to lend that hand. What's worse is that the Powers That Be think that our patients need to be taken care with less help rather than more. That doesn't just suck, that blows.

So those are my fears. Fear is not a good place to be from. I ask the universe for healing, and to allow me a way through this injury. I can't go around it or over it, I must go through it to get to the other side. It will be okay because I know which alternatives I can live with, the ones I can't, and what needs to happen. Universe, hear this: allow me to heal. Fast.

Pharmie Town

The back is not much better today. I thought it was when I got up, so I did my ADLs (nursing lingo for Activities of Daily Living) and now it's hurting just like yesterday. Arg. I am thankful for good family though, my mom made a couple of trips on my behalf yesterday and gave me some pain killers, a brace, and shocky device that I immediately broke trying to charge with my computer battery cord. Oops. The brace is helpful. My brother-in-law Chris brought me his extra fexiril. I'm not sure if any of the drugs are that great though, and I'm leery of using them any way. I feel foggy-slash-fuzzy and a little sleepy.

Tracy and Chris also brought some sad news with them last night. Our mutual friends, the Cliffords, had to put down their 10-year-old St. Bernard, Mumser. Mumser had an osteosarcoma on his front leg. Mumser was a great, cool, big dog who was the Alpha wherever he went. Now he is a spirit in the sky and I'm sure he'll look out for Baby Clifford on the way. His passing is a reminder that when we are young and optimistic about getting a cute little puppy, many of us also assumed the responsibility to throw in the towel for our best furry friends when the time comes. It is an awesome responsibility, it looms in the future for all responsible dog owners. So this is a shout out to Damon and Kristin: thanks for being such good friends to all of your friends, 2- and 4-legged. May you receive double blessings for the extension of your kindness to your buddy, Mumser.

Back in the Blog

I forgot about my blog dudes. And it seems less scary than a few years ago. Today I am laying on my back with my feet up on pain killers. Awesome. What a waste of a day. But my back went out yesterday the worst it has ever gone out. Yuck.

I hate taking pain killers. Vicodin to be specific. My mind is fog. What better time to get back on the blog. And also, tonight I am signing a bunch of financial documents. Also a good time to be foggy!

I hope I can work tomorrow. And I am formally asking The Universe for no fat people. Please, my back can't take it.